Letting Your Yes Be Yes

Every now and then, there's a story in the media that really causes me to shake my head. One that's been getting quite a bit of play lately is about the teenager who was suspended for going to his girlfriend's prom. You can see one treatment of it below, along with a video interview of the teenager in question (the stepfather is also there, but oddly walks out of the interview before it's over).

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/05/12/earlyshow/main5008061.shtml

To summarize, a student at a conservative Christian school, and his family, signed a contract at the beginning of each of the last six school years, where he promised the school he would not dance, hold hands, or listen to rock music, among other things. Toward the end of his senior year, he wanted to go to the prom of his girlfriend, who attends a public school. The public school requires guests who don't attend the public school to obtain a permission slip from the guest's own school principal.

The student took the permission slip to his principal, who actually signed it, thus providing the student with the capability to attend his girlfriend's prom. Along with that signature, however, the principal informed him that there would be consequences for attending in violation of the contract he'd signed. Those consequences would be suspension, taking his finals late, and not being able to "walk" with the rest of his class at graduation.

The student and his stepfather weren't pleased with those consequences. The following excerpt is from the local paper that broke the story:

Frost's stepfather, Stephan Johnson, fuming over the threatened suspension, said he went to a lawyer, who advised that before he sued, "the best thing to do is get all the publicity you can." Johnson e-mailed us a letter to the editor very late Wednesday night. Editorial Page Editor Cindy Moorhead on Thursday morning thought the situation would be more suitable as a news story, especially with the prom then just 60 hours away. After some missed telephone calls, we invited Johnson and Frost to stop by Thursday afternoon after Johnson said he had the written suspension warning. We wanted to see it. They were here in a half-hour. Reporter Mary Kate Malone interviewed them. Frost asked we not identify his date. Malone called the principals of both schools, Tim England and Craig Kupferberg, for confirmation and comment. By dinnertime Thursday, Malone's copy was filed on our Web site, www.thecourier.com, and Frost's story was out.

http://www.thecourier.com/Opinion/columns/2009/May/PM/ar_PM_051209.asp?d=051209,2009,May,12&c=c_12

After the story was published locally, the Associated Press picked up the story and it ran nationally. Suddenly, the "prom rebel" was born, and comparisons to the classic Kevin Bacon movie "Footloose" were all over the place. Everyone seemed outraged at the "oppressive" Christian school, and out of approximately 217,000 votes in an unscientific AOL online poll, 91% gave the school a "thumbs down" verdict (see the next link below for the reference).

For his part, the student seemed quite satisfied with his decision.

Frost told WTOL-TV in Toledo that he did not regret going to the prom. "Yea! I had a good time. I still think the punishment is a little overboard, but I guess I'm ready to face the punishment now," said Frost. He told the Courier that although it was "loud," he certainly did not hear any music he hasn't heard before. Frost said his only regrets were for his classmates who may now be receiving "unfair" judgment for attending Heritage Christian or for their beliefs. Frost and his stepfather Stephan Johnson left Findlay later Monday to fly to New York City to appear on CBS' The Early Show this morning.

http://www.thecourier.com/Issues/2009/May/12/ar_news_051209_story1.asp?d=051209_story1,2009,May,12&c=n

I think that's enough background. For the commentary, as an initial matter, I suppose it's barely cause for comment these days when the media runs a story that casts Christians in a bad light. "Just look at those wacky Christians," I feel like the media loves to say, "they're just so darn CWAZY!" Whether it's a story like this, or a pastor's fall, or a critical commentary about how intolerant the Bible or biblical principles are, the media seldom fails to take an opportunity to show us why we're merely sojourners in this world.

As to the issue itself, I suppose the notion of honoring one's word is now considered somewhat remarkable. I'm not going to comment on whether or not I agree with the school's rules, or how conservative we ought to live our lives, or whether there might be elements of "legalism" (even though very few people, I've found, seem to understand what that means) at the school.

None of that really matters to me here, because the student gave his word. He signed a contract, and decided he didn't really want to follow it when he didn't want to. It's actually more than that, even... the principal even allowed him to go, so long as the student knew there would be consequences to his actions. Consequences which were even short of expulsion.

James 5:12 and Matthew 5:37 are clear that we are to let our yes be yes, and our no be no. Keeping our word, our promises, our agreements, is such a critical part of our Christian walk. Psalm 15:4 states that when we swear, even if it's to our hurt, we don't change or go back on our word. And there are so many other Scriptures, on honesty, and integrity, and not lying, not being an oathbreaker.

The student made an agreement. Then he decided he didn't want to stick by it. Then he was let out of it, but then decided he didn't like the consequences of getting out of it.

So instead of submitting to the established and agreed-upon authorities above him, instead of either being a man of his word and declining to go to the prom, or even going to his prom and enduring what seems to be a relatively minor punishment in the grand scheme of things, he goes public. First thing he and his stepfather seem to do is find a lawyer. (It always kills me, when I see other lawyers doing those things that lawyers are so often rightly criticized for doing.) The lawyer says, "Get all the publicity you can!" So with that directive in hand, they push the story, and it gets picked up, first locally, then nationally. And all of a sudden, we have yet another "Those Wacky Christians" story hitting the mainstream.

And in light of how this all developed, this line from the student just kills me. "Frost said his only regrets were for his classmates who may now be receiving "unfair" judgment for attending Heritage Christian or for their beliefs." Hmm, I wonder why they might be receiving unfair judgment? Could it possibly be because their fellow student decided to make himself out to be a martyr in front of a national audience?

I don't think the word martyr applies here at all. There are plenty of other words that probably do apply, but in the interests of keeping my speech above reproach, I'll decline to list any of them here. Instead, I'll point to the statement of the student's school, Heritage Christian School of Findlay, Ohio.

http://www.heritagefindlay.org/

To me, that is a God-centered, evangelistic, biblical, edifying, and perhaps above all, HUMBLE response. Again, whether or not you or I agree with the policy itself, I hope we can all agree that Heritage took a stand based on principle, and had no desire for the spotlight or publicity... unlike the student and his stepfather, unfortunately.